The scourge called 'woman'

“Men rule the world, they say, but women rule men.”
This, my friend, Obi, saw on a woman’s Tee shirt (trying to get an eyeful of cleavage no doubt). ‘I wanted to hold her neck and sqqquezzeeee, and sqqquezzeee!’ he narrated later. I have since thought about his reaction and he could have only have been irked thus for one reason and one reason only – it is true (how bitter that sounds). Sorry to burst your bubble all you testosterone driven males holding the world in your hands, but feel those clutches around your sides? Yep, that is a woman’s claws well entrenched and there is precious little you can do about it (till you read through this guys, because I am here to fight the cause. Its time men took their rightful place back from these daughters of Eve).
Fact: A man walks into any bar in the world and laments loud enough for all others to hear ‘women, why did God make them?’ Instantly he has gotten friends, and free beer of sympathy to go along. Okay okay, what about women amongst women? (Gosh I hear those thoughts clearly). Ladies, lets be honest, when a woman seeks the ears of other female strangers, it doesn’t hold the same packed punch. You know what that means guys? We are in this together and together we will take back our place – just read on.
Women reading this would be simmering gently by now, water on low heat (definitely no pun intended) moving towards boiling point, ready to take to arms – the never ending battle of the sexes (which we – the guys – are set to prevail).
Guys lets look our strengths here. I am yet to meet a woman who says her closest friends are women. ‘Men are so easy to get along with than women are.’ They readily say; and in the same, but now exasperated breath, ‘men!’ well well, how do we let such advantage slip? Women take to men (as friends) so readily and guess what? Men’s best pals are also men. So, why are we still taking a back bench? Why do women determine (if indirectly) every decision we take? What was that? Their looks? Those breasts, the hair, eyes, backside? Guys, guys I feel you, I mean, I am a guy as well and I have eyes but listen to me, we were cheated by nature. Look at the animals – lion, lizard, peacock, the list goes on and on, the male is always prettier but with humans it just had to be the other way round. Someone called it nature’s mistake and I wholly agree. We must see woman as being with some features that are rightfully ours. That’s the first step gentlemen.
Secondly don’t try to understand women. That is another secret weapon of theirs. They inundate the men with their many puzzles and while we are trying to fathom them, they take the initiative.
‘Son, women have many rules which a man knows nothing about until he breaks them.’ That was from a movie I saw sometime back. How true. But to buttress my point even further, in a moment of my dad’s frustration with my mum, I told a joke which he laughed long and loud at and strongly insisted I tell the old lady as well. Suffice to say she didn’t find it quite as funny.
A man with so much on his mind happened upon a genie. And like all good genies would, the man had a wish just waiting to be granted.
‘Anything?’
‘Anything you wish for, my good man, will be granted. But mind you, just one wish, so choose carefully.’
There was so much the man wanted for himself but being philanthropic was best, he decided, so, because the people of his town had suffered so much from being cut off by a huge lake from the city, he decided on a bridge.’
‘A bridge?’ The genie frowned. He hadn’t counted on a wish like that. ‘My good man, do have pity on a genie, think of the wood, steel, nails and every other thing I would have to use.’ He grabbed the man’s shoulders and looked imploringly in the man’s eyes. ‘Please pick another wish.’
The man thought again. Philanthropy was out the window. This time he would ask for something he had always wanted.
‘Okay, genie, I want to understand women.’
‘The genie sat down on a rock, held his head in his hands and thought for a very long time. Finally he looked up. ‘That bridge,’ he asked, ‘would you want a dual or a triple carriage way?’

Guys, there u have it. Need I say more? We need to resist them when they turn on their charms and use their wiles to manipulate us. We need to see through the beauty mask and hold firm. We have to take back our place – by force if necessary. We…er excuse me, phone…gentlemen, we will have to call it a day here. Just got a call from this hot broad I have been chasing for a while…no groaning man, you should see this girl. She sizzles!
What was that? Prevail? Well that would be another day.